Hazed by the Electoral College — Humor Relief for a Nail-biting Nation

Yes, I know “they” say you shouldn’t blog more than once a day and I’ve already blabbed blogged once today. The thing is, I thought y’all might need some humor relief right about now. Towards that end, here’s an excerpt from Sue Ellen’s Girl Ain’t Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy! I hope you enjoy~

Hazed by the Electoral College

 One can only imagine why the subject of bribes and ludicrous spending would remind me  of the way we go about electing a president in this country, but I’m glad it did. There’s something else that I think deserves another look. And while I have no desire to cause a stink with those outside our region, I’d like to register a legitimate complaint. On behalf of my fellow southerners, I’d like it to be known that “we the people” below the Mason Dixon have our lips run out about the whole presidential primary thing.

It was THE topic of conversation at the recent holiday parties. Paulette said she was sick and tired of hearing ‘bout y’alls electoral college. And Bubba said he doesn’t know where your fancy smancy school is even located, but y’all haven’t ever been to a bowl game that he knows of, and besides if you’re not in the SEC you don’t matter no-how. Granted, some of us are much clearer on the details of the electoral system than others, but still, it’d be right nice of y’all to at least pretend that we matter.

It’s bad enough when y’all start choosing your primary dates. Scheduling and rescheduling your parties to try and be the first one out of the blocks. Shame on you! Y’all remind me of a bunch of southern brides-to-be trying to grab the most coveted weekend of the spring bridal season. Please. I’ve seen better manners at a half-price sale. But it just flat out rubs salt in the wound when y’all start harping about how it’ll all be over after the first three or maybe four primaries, as if none of the other states exist. Excuse us! We do have a dog in the fight, too, you know.

I’d like to propose a new system. I say the primaries should rotate and start in a different region every election cycle. Now, that would be much fairer. But should that not set well with y’all I have another idea (and this is sheer genius if I have to say so myself): we could play Spoons to decide who goes first. Oh, yeah, that’d be just as civil and a lot more fun.

FYI for the uninitiated, Spoons is a regional card game we Southerners like to play. It’s similar to musical chairs only bloodier. Why, Mama won’t even let us, her immediate family, play Spoons on her dining room table since… well, never mind.  Look here, y’all send a few of your delegates down here to play a few of our delegates and we’ll work out the details. Just don’t send any pansies. Bubba’s got his Spoons game on.


And now, a more serious note. Whichever way this election goes, you can find comfort in knowing that God will not be voted into or out of His throne! 🙂 “You rule forever, Oh Lord. Your throne is from generation to generation.” Lam 5:19


About Shellie Rushing Tomlinson

Known as The Belle of All Things Southern, Shellie Rushing Tomlinson is a national best-selling author, speaker, radio host, and columnist from Louisiana.
This entry was posted in All Things Southern, Friends & Family, Good news, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Hazed by the Electoral College — Humor Relief for a Nail-biting Nation

  1. The Queen says:

    Amen Sister! Amen and Hallelujah!!

  2. Just had to send in the clowns tonight. It seemed fitting, you know? 😉

  3. Baynon Harris says:


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