Do Not Read Your Book Reviews!

Dear *Cat,

I did it again. I didn’t mean to, I promise. I had no intention of reading reviews last Saturday! It’s just that I got an email invite to be someone’s friend on this certain book site and when I clicked “sure thing”, or something like that, I was taken to the site itself, which is where I happened to see my book in a little sidebar along with the number of reviews it had garnered… And well, Cat, I could see the first few words of one review right before the “read more” link and it was so sweet it made me think “Why not?” Several reviews later, I remembered why not.  Apparently, the lowest part of the grading scale started too high for this one reviewer. She didn’t think she could even give poor me the lowest number of stars.  That was one of her nicer comments. Sigh. I’ve since recommitted myself to our pact. No more reviews. I even wrote a little ditty about it using one of my favorite commercials. I hope it will help you, too! It goes like this…

Don’t read your book reviews.

If you read your book reviews someone will say something nasty.

If someone says something nasty it will hurt your feelings.

If it hurts your feelings you or someone who loves you will want to hurt them back.

If you or someone who loves you hurts Joe Q. Public the police will get involved.

If the police get involved you may have to write from jail.

If you write from jail your cellmate may think you are writing about her.

If your cellmate thinks you are writing about her she may break your typing fingers and you won’t be able to write any more books.

To avoid having your typing fingers broken do not read your book reviews.

You’re welcome, Cat. Love you.

Shellie (A.K.A Dog)

*Cat is a nickname for one of my writer buddies.

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About Shellie Rushing Tomlinson

Known as The Belle of All Things Southern, Shellie Rushing Tomlinson is a national best-selling author, speaker, radio host, and columnist from Louisiana.
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10 Responses to Do Not Read Your Book Reviews!

  1. Kimberly Taghon says:

    Shellie, That reviewer must have had rocks in his/her head. Your books are pure literature! I love them. I guess they must not have been part of your constituency. And your constituency rocks! (I consider myself one of your supporters, did you notice?) Don’t take it personal dear. With love from your Seaside friend, Kimberly

  2. Paula smith says:

    At first I thought the “reviewer” must not understand southern humor. But then remembered other comments from those outside the south that “got” it. So then I have concluded the perp had no sense of humor. Poor thang. Bless her/his heart!

  3. Irene says:

    Let us have a moment of prayer that they receive wisdom to find the error of their ways. Their taste is all in their mouth

  4. tanya says:

    I am in agreement with Irene, she said it before I was able to about that person’s taste….. and that reader must be from the frazen nawf, if she does not enjoy Real Peoples Humor!!

  5. I’m not “famous” enough yet to have gotten any reviews from people who didn’t love me, so the criticism I’ve gotten so far hasn’t been hurtful. I am looking forward to the day when I too can purposeful avoid reviews on the many sites my book will be featured, lol.

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